Things that make me say Hmmm? From Celebrity to common things

Things that make me say hmmm?

I had actually been given this idea by my father a month ago to write down about things that I ponder here and there so for your comical reading pleasure here they are:

walking down the strand I saw a women sitting at the Coffee Bean doing of all things Blogging like I try to do? I wonder if she gets any hits? hmmm?

Does Disney own Eddie Murphy's soul? hmmm?

Paris for President? hmmm?

Do I want to work for Diddy? apparently if you do...you become his personal bitch! hmmm?

According to "Twilight" Vampires have sex because instead of blood they use venom? hmmm?

Is Oliver Stone's George W. Bush's biopic a Comedy about a alcoholic simpleton who becomes president and hilarity ensues? hmmm?

How can a 3rd batman movie or any other batman movie top The Dark Knight? hmmm?

Confessions of a Strip Club Junkie: The Necklace marks the End

Thirty minutes before I work I scrambled to the mall in search of jewelry. Not for my mother, or my sister whom I still owed a b-day gift to, not even for my girlfriend. This necklace was a representation of all the joy and complete and utter fascination that Cee, my bartender lady who for the past two months I have grown adoration for , just because I wanted to make her smile, because it made me feel good inside. I looked at every jewelry store in the Southbay Galleria. Claires? too little girly? Zales? too expensive for a "just a friend gift." Then I happened upon a little boutique called "Little Treasures" and it seemed perfect. Now as far as customer service goes this lady might have just won the award for "best annoying helpful customer service," she was a petite little asian girl wearing a short white dress and some beads.

" shopping for your girlfriend"

"no just a friend"

"Oh...well what does she like, what is her favorite color"

"She is very simple. Something not to fancy"

"How old is she? early twenties like me"

"yeah early twenties"

"you want something long, short, hangs, silver, beads?"

She then went about showing me some off the wall assortment of beads and such before hitting the jackpot with what I was looking for. She leads me to the perfect necklace, a nice small silver necklace that ironically carries the letter "C," it was nice inexpensive gift, I also purchased a blue box to put it in so i had something nice to present it to her in. I then headed off to work where I was met with grievances for buying a girl who wasn't my girlfriend a gift.

"Miles its a really nice gift but I don't want you to get hurt"

"I don't approve return it now"

"So you have moved up from tips to presents"

Eventually that dies down but their cries don't go unnoticed as I begin pondering what i have done. I could still return it or I could give it to my sister as a birthday gift. But then I realized I have gone this far to buy Cee the gift and can't go back so from here on out it, I have to finish what I have started. Work ends and my cousin, the good doctor, tells me he may not want to go out tonight so because I just want to spend some quality personal time with Cee, I encourage him to stay in.

"Ok I am going to stay in...but you go home no stopping by just to say hi to Cee"

"deal"

Yeah I lied but that was because of the heat of the moment since I was already there. I sat down at the bar as she Cee came up and greeted me as usual. My nerves kicked in, I was spending so much time trying to think of some cool way to present your with the gift that my words became fumbled. On top of that, the club was dead, and I was one of five people sitting in there .

"I have a gift for you but its not anything sweet" (referring to the fact I usually bring her ice cream)

"what"

" Since I know you've been having some bad days I went out and got you a small gift"

I set the blue box on the counter as she scanned it trying to make sense of it all.

"Oh baby, what is is this" she said sincerely

She opened up the box and tears of joy and ran down her face, her cheeks flushed red like cherries, her eyes watering up like a flood in the midwest. She then ran around the bar and hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, her sweet lips against my skin was all I needed and I was in heaven, my own private Idaho of sorts.

"Oh baby, you're the greatest FRIEND I've had"

"i wish I didn't have to charge you for the drink"

She put on the necklace to my surprise because I was sure she would wait or would not right there.

"I want to wear it now, you have a problem with that" she said jokingly.

Friend may have not been the word I expected but if that is what I can get right now, that is all I want. We walked back behind the bar crying as the other waitress asked her if anything was the matter. She said nothing and just handed them the box as the waitress and the one stripper there looked at me with a sweet sensation. I had become one of those guys who come here to shower some girls with gifts and I felt no shame because Cee is my Wonderwall. Sitting there, holding her hand and making plans for knotts and hanging out I realized this is all I wanted to be near her, to just have her around and I could look forward to a future of having her around even if all I could afford to get was a few precious hours at a strip club. the night ended she thanked me endlessly for the gift and I walked out happy as The Delfonics in "have you seen her" Happy as a lark.

Unknowingly to me this was the beginning of the end.

She's my Wonderwall....and my Chasing "Amy"

No truer words have ever been spoken than in the sad, darkly whimsical, and pure 90s ballad wonderwall by Oasis whose lead singer recently took to being Jay-Z's wonderwall but that is something for another blog entirely. "And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I would
Like to say to youI don't know how Because maybe You're gonna be the one who saves me And after all You're my wonderwall." Oasis pumps out this searing ballad with all their heart and it now the song i want played at my future wedding...hopefully. But this song isn't about worshiping Oasis no no, though i have to give them credit for giving me a creative start point for this blog. Wonderwall as I understand it is about how a women in your life is the reason for stopping everything your doing to be with her. While the song has quickly reemerged as one of my favorites, it opens the doors for me to show how the different girls or women in my have played a significant role in my life but that more importantly how they relate to another wonderwall of mine: cinema. A different girl represents a different movie that reminds me of them. For the past couple of weeks I have wracked my brain trying to decide how to write this blog and now I realize I just have to.

Along the same lines I was thinking about the movie the "Deep Blue Sea" you know the movie where Sam "mothafucking" Jackson takes on super smart sharks (unfortunately for mr. Jackson and his devout fans he bit the dust about 15 minutes in to the movie...oh did I spoil it for some of you?). Anyways besides the lame special effects and the ridiculous L.L Cool J song where he compared his kango hat to being like a sharks fin, there is one piece of "cinematic" brilliance that resonates with me from that movie. Is a touching moment between L.L. Cool J the wisdom spouting chef and Michael Rappaport who are discussing Einstein's theory of relativity: While Rappaport who is a physicist, LL puts the theory simply: You put your hands on a hot pan a minute could feel like an hour, put your hand on a beautiful women, an hour seems like mere minutes, to which Rappaport thent retorts that in all his years of schooling that is the best explanation for the theory of relativity he has ever heard. Now not only did that B-Movie sci-fi flick make me remember the movie for that it also got me pondering like Wonderwall about the select women who have had an impact on me whether it be for mere minutes or hours that feel like minutes. Among the beauties is the one who is my current "wonderwall" and my relative theory. With her hours feel like minutes and there are not enough minutes in the world to be near her.

Chasing CEE (My chasing Amy): I would not say I am a Kevin Smith fan at all, I find most of his movies funny but for some reason Chasing Amy has a special place in my heart probably because i feel like I can sort of relate to it. Chasing Amy has so far in my opinion proven to be Smith's masterpiece or most controlled film about a comic book artist named Holden (played by Ben Affleck in probably his best performance) who falls heads over heels in love with Allissa, a rival comic book aritst, and also lesbian. Just because I know it may come up, why the movie is called Chasing Amy, I am getting to that. Kevin Smith has probably the second best soliloquy next to Ben Affleck's. Basically he says he use to date this girl named "Amy" (that is the macguffin) and he loved her until he found out she was involved in a threesome and began to resent her, but by the time he was able to accept it, she had left him, and ever since he has been "Chasing Amy" basically chasing that unattainable girl. Cee is my Chasing Amy. Now the problem between Holden and Alissa is that Alissa is a lesbian , but was involved a three some with 2 dudes (thus the connection to Smith's story about Amy). My problem is that Cee is tied down to a guy but yet I want her badly. As I type this it is hard to go 5 minutes without once thinking about her. Cee is what Allissa is in Chasing Amy: Independent, assertive, sweet but spunky and for once I can say this is more than lust: this is something different. And as Affleck says in his big 10 minute speech about being in love with Alissa the lesbian: "if this is a crush, I don't know if I can handle the real thing when it happens" reflects my sediments exactly. I go to the bar to hang out with her, I talk with her, I sometimes try to hold her hand, and I try to make her feel special. Yet for all my efforts it may be wishful thinking to think I may land her but she is my "Chasing Amy" and in both cases the movie and my life I owe it to myself to not give up. May be it is romanticism getting the best of me but chasing Cee is well worth the hours that feel like minutes.
(Part 1 of 3)

Life is a Mixtape: Side B.

So I decided to give my life as a mix tape another shot, after all there is more than one mix tape that can be made to describe you life and I think this collection of songs will be better suited for my biography. Last time I was using every play list I had and choosing a song from each one randomly. Now i have one long playlist so the selection should be better. So here we go my life on Side B of the mix tape:

Opening Credits:
Take On Me by A-Ha (i can deal with that...my life begins in the 80s)

Waking Up:
Little Red Corvette by Prince(I must see the girl of my dreams in a dream and she is walking pass me)

Falling in Love:
haha Never Gonna Give you Up by Rick Astley (remeber that "Family Guy" episode...think along the lines of that. But this is song is so true)

Fight scene:
Sweet Caroline (what kind of fight is this)

Breaking up:
How I could just kill a Man (great song but probably for her unless I want to kill the other guy)

Getting back together:
After Tonight by Justin Nozuka (A good love song...somber but sweet)

Secret Love:
I know by Jack Johnson (Another good choice for loving in love with the other girl)

Mental breakdown:
Light and Day by The Polyphonic Spree (this in a weird way is perfect breakdown song)

Driving:
Summertime by New Kids on The Block (oh the perils of young love as I cruise along the beach)

Flashback:
Love (is like a Heatwave): Martha and The Vandellas (great 60's/70s songs where I could remember being in love)

Partying:
Moving Mountains by Usher(the slow dance?)

Happy dance:
Shadow of the day by Linkin Park (skeptical that I would listen to this as my happy song)

Regretting:
You've lost that loving feeling (Brings me back to the good ol' Top Gun days but amazing song none the less describing loss)

Long night alone:
If you leave me now by Chicago (wow my life is definitely either an 80s john hughes movie or a 70s sitcom)


Death scene:
Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi (This is a pretty epic death!)

Ending credits:
Grow old with you by Adam Sandler from The Wedding Singer (such a sweet song about being in love)

reflection of side B: Besides for a few skeptical choices such as Linkin park for my party song I found this mix tape to be vastly different and far more satisfying as a testament to my life. It covers the vast spaces of pop culture and ultimately reflects me as a consumer of the culture as well as a relater of the culture. Way to go mix tape side B. Now maybe I can get John Hughes to write my life story and Howard Deutch to direct and I am set.

p.s. in case you don't realize it but Deutch directed "pretty in pink" and "Some Kind of Wonderful" both written by John Hughes.

The Legend of Fred Kim

When he walks into the newsroom he is as big as Beatle mania. Just the way your grandmother remembers the first time Paul, John, Ringo, and George walked off the plane and into American popular culture, my friend, cartoonist Fred Kim is a rockstar to the screaming female staff writers of my newsroom. Fred Kim walks in he is not only The Beatles, he is Mick Jagger and the Stones, Jimmy Page and Led Zepplin, and Steve Perry rolled into one. One after one the girls run up the great Fred Kim hugging him and screaming his name, "Freeed!" or "Heey Fred" his long styled hair, his fashionisto style, his laid back persona. Fred Kim is the definition of cool. Not only is he the rockstar of the newsroom, I am pretty sure if you looked up the word cool in the dictionary there would be three people: Frank Sinatra, Steve McQueen, and Fred fucking Kim. when you ask a girl what it is about Fred Kim that makes women swoon they all say: its the way he acts. So cool, so calm, so laid back like he has no care in the world, picture talking to Keanu Reeves but if he was as cool as Sinatra that would be Fred Kim. So why am I spending a blog talking Fred Kim besides that he is a legend of the newsroom. His cartoons have elevated the "Unions" newspaper to make him comparable to what Schultz did with "Peanuts." Girls love him, Men probably would like to be him, he is fred fucking Kim and all that I thought I knew about Fred Kim was strayed and changed when I saw him at the strip club throwing a little bit of money (On a side note when I saw Feigned Interest the other day she told me that it was pretty fucking cool that I saw him and she was over joyed even thought it was cute that he was there. So I guess what I am getting at here is that a guy like Fred Kim doesn't have to live up to anything or ideas he is Fred Kim and that is who he is. People won't care Fred Kim goes to the strip club but they'll think its cool that I saw him there.

Miles' Infinite Playlist

Kathy suggested to me that i read a book by Rob Sheffield called "Love is a Mixtape" about how Sheffield created a different mixtape to describe his relationship with his wife and I plan on buying that book (with my Borders reward discount) and then I realized there was another book that I wanted to read that dealt with that same subject, the soon to be Michael Cera movie, "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" about two young people who fall in love through their love a music. Now I have always been more of a movie lover than a music lover but I have been known to know my share of songs, pretty much all of them. There are some songs I could say relate to my life perfectly and then their are others not so much (It's raining Men for example not my cup of tea, and not my kind of rainstorm either). One of my favorite movies has to do with love and music inhabiting another in Johnny Cusack's "High Fidelity" who uses his penchant for making top five song list to list his top five break-ups. Cusack's character says "Am I miserable because I listened to pop music or do I listen to pop music because I am miserable. So here it is my infinite playlist to describe my life.



Opening Credits:
Apologize by One Republic featuring Timbaland (Man I must have done something really F**@ed up)

Waking Up:
No One remix by Alicia Keyes (Must be depressed because she dumped me)

Falling in Love:
Take On Me by the A-Ha (I didn't know my life was a John Hughes Movie)

Fight scene:
Here I go Again by White Snake (Am I fighting William Zabka...aka the bully in "The Karate Kid")

Breaking up:
Have you ever seen the rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival (Most Def.)

Getting back together:
Sympathy for the devil by The Rolling Stones (She must be a bitch)

Secret Love:
I would walk 500 miles by The Proclaimers (Must be the sequel to Pretty in Pink)

Mental breakdown:
Say by John Mayer (A course John Mayer would be the poster boy for Mental breakdowns)

Driving:
I know by Jack Johnson (nothing witty to say about this except Jack Johnson is like nap time in kindergarten: very soothing)

Flashback:
The finer things by Kanye West, Diddy, Fabolous and Ne-Yo

Partying:
Make In Love in da Club- Usher (This is where we dance in slow motion)

Happy dance:
heard em' say by Kanye West featuring Adam Levine of Maroon 5 (Because I either got the job or the girl)

Regretting:
Truly, Madly,Deeply by Savage Garden (Why did i let her go?)

Long night alone:
Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi (when your lonely Bon Jovi will make it all better)


Death scene:
Sweet Caroline- Neil Diamond (must be one of those friends are gathered around remembering my life and they hear sweet caroline and start singing together in to remember moi)

Ending credits:
When You Were Young by The Killers (at which point everbody says they beat this song on guitar hero)

So overall my playlist was a mediocre success which has hashed my life into a 80's mid ninties boy meets girl teen movie. Maybe I will better success than Duckie did going up against Andrew McCarthy!

Confessions of a Strip Club Junkie: In which we Dream of Big Fish

Remember that scene in the film "Big Fish" where Albert Finney talks about when you are in love that time seems to stop around you and all you except for you and the one you pine for and then you see Ewan Mcgregor as a young Albert Finney at a carnival and see's the love of his life and time literally stops and she is still walking toward him or something gushy along those lines.Actually the line goes: "They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that's true. What they don't tell you is that when it starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up." That is how I felt this past Sunday sitting there with Cee, the women I have become so encompassed with for the past few weeks.It is a lust that has cost me anywhere between 45 dollars to 60 dollars a day. Last week The good doctor and I built her a castle made out of dollar bills this week I took to spelling her name out with approximately 18 dollars out of five and ones. The good doctor had to leave early to go study for finals (a smart move on his part), me on the other hand had realized the futility of taking one final so decided to hang out and immerse myself in delusions of grandeurs with Cee. Now I don't know how to explain it but there is something about her that I can't stop thinking about her, it made going to the strip club different no longer was I amazed by the plethora of naked girls walking around, that arousal had dissipated and now all I could ever want is to spend as many moments talking with her, joking with her, laughing with her, because she really is the definition of what makes me happy. We get to talking about how dramatic her life is in which I reassure her that no matter how dramatic it is my family probably still takes the cake for drama (on a side note: if a reality camera needed a dysfunctional family to follow around with camera my family would come off as the Twilight Zone). Sometimes i lose sight on the conversations because of the way she smiles at me and at how when she goes to help a customer she always turns around and gives me a wink, I swear ever moment I spend with her, I could easily die a happy man. What happens next is the "Big Fish" moment.

Now remember the "Big Fish" moment is when time literally stops when you fall in love with somebody. Well it was my moment. Now the details of this part of my trip are a little fuzzy but here is my account of what happens as I remember: There was a naked girl on stage and her song of choice happened to be the perennial 80s classic "Take On Me by A-Ha" so Cee goes to the bathroom and I am jamming out to the song (the dancers and staff have commented that i probably know every song made). Anyways not only is this my big fish moment but this is the moment in every 80s movie where the Andrew McCarthy's or the Molly Ringwalds or the John Cusacks realize that they will go to great lengths to impress their object of desire (think Cusack in "Say Anything" holding the boom box or McCarthy constantly shopping in a record store that Ringwald works at in "Pretty in Pink" just so he can be near her) This is my Pretty in Gentlemen club so say anything moment. Cee comes out of the bathroom with a smile on her face as she looks at me and I sing the song toward her,"oh the things that you say stretching my arm out to call her over to me and she embraces me giving me the most amazing hug I have had in a while. It's a clincher and I don't want to ever let go! ever. I sing in her ear and at the moment everything else going on around me at the club doesn't matter. I just continue singing her ear: "take on me, Take me on" until she lets go and I continue to hold on to her hand until she walks away. It's moments like that where I forget the fact I came to a strip club and think I came for something more than just Tits and Ass I came because somewhere there I find solace in someone who makes me feel good when being at that place can be so wrong.